Choose the Way You See Life

Purposeful Wanderings - Bradford L. Glass - June 2026

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“You can only lose something you have,

but you cannot lose something you are.”

– Eckhart Tolle

Most of us grew up with similar lessons on how we, and life should be. You likely know them well:  You need to be successful. To do so, you have to know more, try hard, compete, get things right. You need to make a lot of money so you can buy a lot of stuff so you can be happy. Lessons like that. If that story feels like your story, then who you “are” today is an adopted version of you, someone you became … by unknowingly accepting these lessons as truth.

Reality is that there’s a unique voice inside you – soul, passion, authentic self – inviting you to listen, honor, follow. This authentic “you” loves creative genius, uncertainty, walking its truth each day. Deep inside, you long to be this. But life’s struggles stop you … not because they’re real, but because you’re trying to be someone you’re not. Yet with the cause of the struggle (lessons) and its effect (how life is) separated by perhaps decades, we miss that.

Contrasting these two ways of being, we might label the first the “have/do/be” school of thought. It goes like this; If I could only have x (money, knowledge, “things,” goals, relationships, plans, luck) … then I could do y, (complete a project, finish school, get a job, make life happen) … so I would be z (happy, at peace, rich, complete). Familiar? Unconsciously trying to live this story leads to the stress, anxiety, resentment and dissatisfaction so common today … simply because we have to have something before we can do anything. This leaves us always “wanting,” and therefore perpetually stalled and dissatisfied, just because we never have “enough.” Yet we miss that.  

We might label the second the “be/do/have” school of thought. It goes like this: if I could be x (my authentic self) … then I could do y (create almost anything from my inner truth) … then I’d have z (peace, joy, freedom, self-trust, “enough”). This is our natural human state, but having learned to believe its opposite, we’ve become that instead.

Old lessons tell you to cling to the have/do/be world … but that unconscious and adopted way of seeing not only created the struggle you know so well, but – because you misidentified the cause – also blocks you from releasing it. A be/do/have approach would change everything, but you can’t simply “decide to change.” Your have/do/be persona would stop you … it doesn’t “have enough” to get started. Yet we miss that.  Two possible paths beyond:

1)  if you read my articles, you know this one well – develop an awareness practice that allows you to see how all this happened, recognize the illusion, realize that the adopted persona isn’t you, discover “you,” then “be” that a bit each day. This path is intentional, sustainable and effective at helping you see clearly and objectively … and not missing so much! This is the realm of powerful coaching. The purposeful action is awareness.

2)  fool the adopted self – by doing an experiment in be/do/have. This isn’t the same as deciding to change; there’s no promise, no planned outcome, no goal, no right way, no force, no expectation, nothing needed beforehand. Just the willingness to try something out and see what happens. This works for most any of life’s possibilities, and for any of your biggest dreams and deepest longings. The purposeful action here is experiment.

Experiment is a powerful change agent. It doesn’t “make” you change. As noted above, that wouldn’t work. An experiment allows you to keep one foot “firmly” anchored in your known world, which offers the [false] security your adopted persona needs … so the other foot can take a step into the unknown world. Because your have/do/be self has the [perceived] control it needs, it “goes along” with the experiment. What’s significant here is that the felt experience of something new begins to rewire old assumptions, lessons and fears … into curiosity, and then courage, instead. Change is a natural outcome of felt experience … it happens without your effort, and perhaps even your “knowing.” No force; no plan; no goal. If confronted, your have/do/be persona wouldn’t believe a word of this. But it doesn’t have to! The exercise fools it into going along; felt experience does the rest. Note: despite messages from have/do/be, your knowing how this works changes nothing.  Felt experience changes everything.  

Exercise: Let’s Try it Out: Choose an aspect of life you’d like to change … perhaps a piece of the “real you” that you long to be (not have). (See some “start small” ideas below.) Design a simple way for you to try it out. You “try it out” by taking just one step into the unknown, but on purpose. It doesn’t matter what the step is, or how big; it just needs to be a “something” that takes you in the direction of the “you” you want to be.

Here’s what makes the difference: After each step … you stop ... and listen to what the experience itself is telling you about how it’s going (instead of pushing harder to “make” it happen – as with a plan, goal or expectation). You then allow this feedback to help guide your next step, and the next. So … with each step, you (1) experiment, (2) stop, (3) listen, (4) learn. That’s it. It’s a very powerful way of creating a life you love, one “experiment” at a time. It needs nothing and asks nothing (except your passion, creativity and listening … already inside you!). The felt experience itself changes you.  A few simple ideas … all are from my own life, and all of them worked! Each one notes an idea/issue/desire, then suggests an experiment that would offer experience – what it would be like … IF.

Idea: Poor boundaries. Game: Say “no” to everything for a week. I mean everything. Your boss; your spouse; your friends. If you want to be polite, say “no thank you.” Notice how it feels. Then, even if only two minutes later, and ONLY if you really meant “yes,” it’s ok to go back and let the other person in on your game. Tell them what you’re doing and why, and only then say “yes.” This rewires the old feeling that saying no is either mean or unacceptable.

Idea: Judgmentalness. Game: Start a Gratitude Journal. In a 1-2-pages-per-week calendar booklet, write three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day. Simple things: a call from a friend; the smell of flowers. In the morning, read yesterday’s entries, then get on with your day. Repeat every day for a year (about 3 min per day). With time, the way you see and think – about others, life, even yourself – will lose almost all its negative judgment.

Idea: Frustration with groups. Game: Stop talking; just listen. Notably effective in work groups, great with friends, too. In just one meeting a week (more if you like), refrain from arguing/pushing/disagreeing, even suggesting. Instead, just listen. You’ll hear things that tell you all you need to release your frustration forever; things that have always been there, but “missed” in your determination to “make things happen.” People will “tell” you why and how they are the way they are; and you’ll “see” new possibilities for yourself ... from your bigger perspective alone.

Idea: Want to write but “can’t.” Game: Think of the last story from your life you told out loud to someone. Replay it in your mind now, then write it down, just as you said it. Now you’re a storyteller. Now your life is a story. Keep going. I started this just over a year ago. 120 stories later, I publish them this month as a book, Pieces of String. See my website. Read it … not just to be entertained by my life, but to inspire your own … life/story/writing.

Idea: Stuck in a rut. Game: Do one thing this week that’s outrageously fun – in less than 3 hours, for less than $20. Plan it a bit ahead so you gain anticipation value. In my old high-tech days, I was obsessed with leaving for work at 5am (not required; just my perfectionist drive). Stressful. I chose to make a picnic breakfast one morning, take it to the seashore, enjoy time in nature, and re-find a bit of myself. Turned out it was -11° that morning, a day I won’t forget. This one, however, came with change I could not have imagined. I never left for work at 5am again!

Idea: Holding a grudge/anger. Game: Let it out. Write them a letter; tell all, not in a blameful way, but how you feel, how angry “they make you.” Add whatever you need til you feel complete. Read it twice; then burn the letter.

Idea: Doing too much; being driven. Game: Ask for help. Being obsessively busy is its own obstacle for asking for help, so this is a tough one – albeit common.  We learn asking for help is a sign of weakness. This one was so tough for me that someone else had to do the experiment on me (or TO me, as I like to believe). My first coach “tricked” me into a meeting with him; he then took me to spend a morning with monks. It was his way of converting me from a human doing to a human being. Anxious as I was, it was a turning point in my life. See story in my book, Living Authentically (or ask, and I’ll email the story). Just accepting help (vs. seeking it) often works wonders.

Idea: Media addiction: Game: Shut off your phone/device for an hour, or a day. This one is so simple it’s tough to suggest. But it’s also so insidious that I have to. Shutting off a device serves to prove you’re still alive afterwards. If you bristled at my use of the word addiction, perhaps that’s proof of its need. YOU are not your connection – out there; YOU are your beingness – in here. Use the time to reconnect with who you ARE, not what you HAVE.

Book of the month:Pieces of String, by Bradford Glass. Due this month! A collection of stories that have woven the fabric my life has become. It’s my story, yes, but it’s also an invitation for you to reflect on your life a story.For it's in tracing our stories back to their roots that we unravel the mystery and meaning of our lives. Pre-order here.