“You can either have what you want or you can have the reasons why you can’t have what you want.”   —– Alberto Villoldo, in The Four Insights

My newer clients often speak of the contention and conflict they experience, at home and work. The contention may show up as complaint, argument, anger, stress, anxiety, frustration or worry. Given its pervasiveness, it would be easy to conclude that contention is simply an inherent part of life. It’s not. Whether you notice contention in others or feel it inside you, here’s a new view, one with the potential to eliminate most of the negativity in your life today.

The view is simple: Issues do not create contention; only how we see and think about issues does. Contention arises when we make things personal. If someone blames you for their problems, it’s probably not even about you; they’re blaming because that’s what they do all the time; it isn’t personal.  As you learn to see things from a less personal perspective, contention simply disappears. For example, when you stop seeing things as ‘happening to you’ and start seeing things as simply ‘happening,’ your entire relationship with those things changes, often instantly. If you doubt this, consider, for a moment, that your doubt could just be one of the old ways of seeing and thinking that serves to keep contention alive for you. If you’ve been down the same well-worn path of conflict for a long time, a new approach may help. Here’s a three step process you can adopt, starting right now, for any conflict you experience, either with others or with yourself. The model is adapted from this month’s book recommendation, The Four Insights.

1. Name the story you tell. For a specific source of contention bothering you today, create a simple, but honest, assessment of the way you see it. Speak it out loud; then allow the meaning of the words to impact you. Example: “Everything is so insane at work; the only thing people do is complain.”

2. See the story you tell as a story … then as your story. Now rephrase your story so it’s something you do, something you bring to the situation. This isn’t a way to deny the issue exists or to say you’re at fault, but a way for you to see your own thinking more clearly. Example: “When I dread being at work, everything appears as complaint.”

3. Write and tell a new story. You may have to ‘play pretend’ for a bit here because it may be new territory for you. Look at the polar opposite of the issue you’ve named. What if everything were completely different, if new potential could arise from an old situation? Example: “As I begin to see what’s possible instead of what’s wrong, opportunities emerge. Not only do I find new ways to do things, but others begin to follow.”

The power you have to make fundamental change in the way you experience life (yourself, others, work and world) is phenomenal. This kind of transformation comes from learning to see and think in new ways, not from waiting for the world to change. If you are waiting for the world to change, see the quote at the top of this article. The difficulty here lies not in changing how you see and think, for you are 100% free in each moment to choose how. The difficulty lies in the unconscious, yet life-constraining belief that you are powerless to do so. It is that belief that holds you from the freedom and peace you desire.

You might start right now by examining how you’ve reacted to what you’ve read here. I’ve offered clues along the way about where reactions might arise. For now, just get to know your reaction. Name what you see as nonsense. Name how this view is unique to you (not everyone reacts the same way, so you are unique in some way). Pretend the world or others were different, and that your reaction was unnecessary. Name how you would see things then.

As you become a student of your own ways of seeing – and yes, becoming that student is also a choice – you’ll find your ways of seeing and thinking change. Where you used to see contention, you’ll see possibility. Where you used to see problems, you’ll see potential. Where you used to believe life never gave you a break, you create the breaks.

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature]

There is no contention in nature. It’s all just “what is.” The problem we have is that we see contention in nature. We see contention that isn’t truly there, simply because we’ve been programmed to see that way. (That’s why the idea and exercises in this month’s article carry such potential … they break the unconscious, incessant stream of thought that sees the world as a problem.) When a river wears down rocks in a canyon, it’s not “doing it to the rocks.”  The rocks are not upset. When a hawk nabs a mouse in a meadow, there’s no vindictiveness going on. And when a deer narrowly escapes a wolf’s jaw and runs free, both just shake it off and go back to what they were doing before.

You might want to make two separate forays into nature this month. Sit for an hour or so in one spot, watching and hearing everything that happens. Notice the judgments you stir into your observations. Perhaps they are about good vs. bad, about blame, about right vs. wrong, etc. Just notice how you may ascribe thoughts that pervade your human world to the natural world, too.  On your second visit, ideally to the same place, notice sights and sounds with the intention or purpose of non-judgment. You may want to ask yourself, “if I saw no contention in nature, how would I tell this story?” Just notice what you discover. 

Sometime later on, recall both visits to nature and investigate the differences between the two. Because it was the same place both times, how did the differences come from your way of seeing and thinking? What have you learned about yourself from doing these exercises?

Openings to New Possibility

Reaching Your Life’s Greatest Potential: Consistent with many of my monthly articles, you may notice that exploring the edges of your own world – worries, unknowns, fears, hidden assumptions – is not something you can do very well alone. Like so many other adventures into the wilderness of our own uncharted territory, it helps to have a guide, one with a map and experience of the landscape, to make your own self-reflection and inquiry more meaningful and productive. After pondering this month’s article, and perhaps seeing my website, you might consider a coaching program for yourself, an investment in reaching your life’s greatest potential. There’s no cost or obligation to you for an exploratory conversation. Contact me, and begin to shift forever your view of what’s possible.  Perhaps the only block is one of your “thoughts.”

New Website: Check out my redesigned website, www.RoadNotTaken.com. You’ll notice that you can now gain access to more articles, blogs, and newsletters, so you’ll find “new stuff” on a regular basis. This newsletter will now also be found as a blog entry (under the category Purposeful Wanderings). Several back issues are also posted there. I’m creating a video that will be posted on the site as well.

Book of the month – The Four Insights, by Alberto Villoldo. My second recommendation by Villoldo and the fourth of his books I’ve read. Perhaps I’m hooked.  The Four Insights provides a model for making conscious and powerful shifts in your level of perception, the “way” in which you see what you see. In addition, it offers practices and exercises to help you make your new ways of seeing a “permanent” part of you, so you approach the world from higher and higher levels of thinking. With each shift upward, you connect more deeply with your true self, and you connect more deeply with the oneness energy of the universe. The world “works” on your behalf.

Download February 2012 pdf

“Fear is the interest paid on a debt you don’t owe.”    —– my fortune cookie this week at the local Asian restaurant 

There’s always something. No matter how much peace or freedom we may experience in our lives, it seems there’s always something to worry about. And as our lives become more complex, chaotic, and unpredictable, even more possibilities emerge as candidates for our worry. For most, this list of ‘somethings’ is long. The energy consumed on worry, therefore, can be a considerable fraction of the energy available in a given day. I don’t profess a cure for what has most certainly become “a culture of worry,” but I do invite you to consider a new relationship with your worries, one that can dramatically reduce the energy drain so commonly experienced. As always, it involves new ways of seeing and thinking.

Worry comes from fear, usually in the form of “fear of perceived negative consequences of things.” Test this out for yourself right now. Name something you worry about. Now see if you can name the perceived consequences that give rise to the worry. It probably looks like this: “I worry about ‘x’ because I’m afraid ‘y’ will happen.”

Here are two different, and perhaps new, ways of seeing your worry with new eyes:

• Examine the evidence you have for “y” actually occurring. In fact, there is none – because “y” lives in the future, which hasn’t happened; and evidence lives in the past, which is already behind you, even if only by 30 seconds.
• Examine the thought you have about “perceived negative consequences.” If you believe, as do I, that you are free to choose your thoughts, you’re forced to accept you’re choosing negative ones. (If you don’t believe you choose your thoughts, you might ask who’s choosing them for you; but that’s another topic altogether.)

While both these approaches may strike you as idealistic, especially if you’re attached to your worry, they are simply the product of conscious thinking. Herein lies the problem. We believe our worrying comes from rational thought, but we haven’t stopped for long enough for any rational thought to occur. Worry comes from unconscious thoughts; those are programmed responses from the past, responses that “do our thinking for us,” so much so that we may deny this statement as being true. Unconscious, programmed thoughts are actually held in place by not thinking. You can’t fight off unconscious thinking; it’s running 24/7. You can, however, replace it with conscious thinking; and you get there by becoming aware of your thoughts.

The practice of awareness – stopping for long enough to consciously notice your thinking – is, at the same time, both the most powerful single action you can take toward a life of peace & freedom (eliminating worry in the process), and the most difficult idea of all for readers and clients to accept. Why?  Our external world wants us not to think, because we go along with obsessive consumerism and herd mentality more easily if we don’t. Our unconscious mind wants us not to think, too, because it sees new possibility as a threat to our safety. Yet when we listen to those voices, we then complain that life is a struggle, fraught with worry and containing little possibility.

If life is a struggle, life is not the problem. Lack of thinking is the problem. It takes courage and practice to think for yourself. Yet the rewards are phenomenal, and include peace, freedom from worry, and limitless possibility. You find those things not from winning the lottery, but from clarity and perspective … new ways of seeing and thinking.

Exercise: Get to know your worries: You can prove all this to yourself; do this exercise a few times each day for a month. It takes less than two minutes each time. Stop what you are doing. Name your most pressing worry. Now name the perceived negative consequences your programmed thinking tells you to be so. Then name the evidence you have for the truth of that thought. Now, imagine the situation turns out amazingly well instead. Then name the evidence you have for that. Because neither thought has any evidence, you’re left with what kind of thinking you choose. If you need to, name a really good reason why you’d choose negative thoughts when you could choose thoughts that made you feel more empowered instead. After a month, notice what’s different in both your thinking and your worrying. Just notice.

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature]

Unlike us, nature doesn’t have to re-learn how to think. In fact, she never forgot how. She lives her purpose, naturally and without effort or worry.  For example, rivers meander all over their flood plains, continually changing course as they find the easiest path to the sea. It’s a process that derives from purpose and intention (what it means to be a river) and not from worry about what comes next.

Imagine for a moment, if you can, a river in a state of worry. It might just stop flowing, held by the thought that its next choice could lead to danger. “Oh shit. If I meander to the west, those rocks could dam my flow. And if I meander to the east, that other nasty river might consume me. I don’t know what to do next.” No, rivers “get it” in another way. Meandering is what they do. They can’t not meander; it’s simply part of the process of creativity that makes a river a river. In any one moment, rivers have an infinite number of choices. By allowing creative intention alone to guide them, they never become stuck. Being stuck means seeing only one choice, when in fact, many exist.

Openings to New Possibility

Reaching Your Life’s Greatest Potential: Consistent with many of my monthly articles, you may notice that exploring the edges of your own world – worries, unknowns, fears, hidden assumptions – is not something you can do very well alone. Like so many other adventures into the wilderness of our own uncharted territory, it helps to have a guide, one with a map and experience of the landscape, to make your own self-reflection and inquiry more meaningful and productive. After pondering this month’s article, and perhaps seeing my new website, you might consider a coaching program for yourself, an investment in reaching your life’s greatest potential. There’s no cost or obligation to you for an exploratory conversation. Contact me, and begin to shift forever your view of what’s possible.  Perhaps the only block is one of your “thoughts.”

New Website: Check out my redesigned website, www.RoadNotTaken.com. You’ll notice that you can now gain access to more articles, blogs, and newsletters, so you’ll find “new stuff” on a regular basis. This newsletter will now also be found as a blog entry (under the category Purposeful Wanderings). Several back issues are also posted there. I’m creating a video that will be posted on the site as well.

Book of the month – Courageous Dreaming, by Alberto Villoldo.  Subtitled “How Shamans Dream the World into Being,” this book might be a good accompaniment to this month’s article. It offers beautifully written perspective and insight into the power of our own consciousness to create the world we want to experience. Each of us has levels of consciousness far deeper than the level required to get through an ordinary day, but if we experience only the ordinary, we never tap these more powerful levels. In them, however, is the key to creating any world we can imagine. Given the unconscious slumber our world is in, it’s easy to reject his ideas. But that just ensures the slumber continues. As always, life is a choice, and it’s a choice based in the power of thought – to dream the world into being.

Download January 2012 pdf

“We all continually move on the edges of eternity, and are sometimes granted vistas through the fabric of illusion.”                                                                     —– Ansel Adams, Autobiography

There was a time when prevailing belief held that the earth was flat, and if you were to reach the edge, you’d fall off. Although the belief itself has long since been replaced by greater truths, the thinking that drives it is very much alive. Throughout human history, we’ve feared the unknown, and have responded by creating all kinds of “structures” to help protect us from our fears. These structures range all the way from religions to guard rails. All, however, seem to be driven by the idea that our creations will protect us, “once and for all.”

I don’t take issue with the desire to deal with fears. Faith in something bigger than ourselves, for example, offers a beautiful complement to the rigors of daily life. I do, however, take issue with the once-and-for-all aspect of our creations. We live our lives against a constantly changing backdrop. Nothing is “once and for all.” Yet once we believe it is, we forget about it, we stop thinking, and we then rely unconsciously on the structure we’ve created as protection. I mean, how can you fall if there’s a guard rail? It’s the “not thinking” that gets us in trouble. I suspect it may feel safer to think about what we invented to protect us than to think about the fear itself.

The image that comes to mind is similar to the flat earth model. As if to help us learn, life brings us to our edges many times a day. We know these as times of discomfort. Unconsciously, we withdraw from the edge, away from perceived threat and toward familiar territory of our comfort zone. That response comes from habit, not from thought. We don’t know there’s an edge, we don’t know we’ve reached it, and we don’t know we’re retreating. This explains why we often don’t learn or grow all that much; it’s uncomfortable. So, if we don’t know there’s an issue, why might we care?

Your comfort zone is what holds you to your past. It’s made up of old lessons about how life is supposed to be and about what you should be worried about, such as making money, losing friends, the opinions of others, being right, being good enough … or guard rails. All this is fine if you care more about following the rules than about creating new possibility. The problem, however, is that all new possibility lies just beyond the edge of today’s comfort zone, and by denying it, even unconsciously, you limit the very joy you want to experience in your life. 

Life has taught me that the path through this dilemma is simply to become conscious of edges, so you can learn from them instead of retreating from them. If you knew you’d arrived at your edge, you’d have three choices where today you have only one. The choices: (1) you can still retreat to the center, but consciously; (2) you can jump into the unknown without thinking, or (3) you can stop at the edge and get to know it. Choice #1 creates tomorrows that look like yesterday; #2 might work now and then, but without thinking, you often find trouble;  #3 opens your world. By stopping and getting to know your edges, you create your own new choices. Chances are good that if you knew you were holding yourself back in life, you’d want to make different choices.

Exercise: Get to know your edges: This practice does not ask you to change your behavior and become instantly courageous. Courage is a natural & effortless outcome of getting to know what inhibits your courage today. This practice asks only that you become aware and learn: Stop at the end of each day for a few moments of quiet reflection. Replay the day’s events, looking for places and times you felt discomfort. For each one, name the event, name the discomfort, name the action you took. Write these down. After you’ve made your list, review each item, asking new questions: how do I see that moment of discomfort now, some number of hours later? What does this teach me about my fears? about how I responded to my fears? Do I have evidence my fear is real, right now? If, at the time, I had been able to stop, and look just a bit in front of me (over the edge), what possibility would have been in view that was hidden to me at the time because of my unconscious response? Start a list of new possibilities you discover doing this exercise.

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature]

Nature loves edges. It’s where new things happen. Edges are nature’s “uncertain spaces.”  Wherever there are more choices, there are more possibilities for invention. A few of my favorite edges in nature:

• major disturbances – a result of either volcanic flow or glaciation, for example. Both provide new territory for nature’s creative essence. These are commonly “big” edges, for they often encompass huge areas of land. It’s truly amazing how lichen begin to grow on bare rock after glaciers recede, and how quickly plants take root in the cracks in new lava flows. In each case, the roots serve to break rock apart, eventually creating soil, so that less tolerant species can then take root. This is the beginning of a process naturalists call succession.
• fields and forests – the dividing line between field and forest is a rich source of new invention in nature. Some birds, like the cardinal or robin, seem to prefer these edges, while others live only in deeper forest or only in field. Poison ivy grows almost exclusively on edges; rarely would you poison ivy in the middle of the woods.

Next time you’re out for a walk, notice all the “edges” that come into view … between pond and shore, forest and field, hill and gulley, sun and shade, land and sea. Notice these same contrasts at different scales, too. The shade offered by a single rock affects which plants grow nearby. Just notice how nature “steps into” her edges. 

Openings to New Possibility

A comment I received from a woman on November’s newsletter:  Brad:  Loved this newsletter. I’ve been writing my life story and amazingly, had just written about my high school experience with The Prophet. I don’t recall how, at 15, I would ever have gotten my hands on it, but I got punished for having it.  Several nuns escorted me down to the “boiler room” and made me throw the book in the fire. I was told it was blasphemous, and I was going to end up in the fires of hell for reading false prophets, blah, blah, blah. The upshot of the whole thing for me was that I learned of this secret room, which had a door that led out to the back lot and allowed me to have a steady stream of ‘skip days.’ I’d get checked in for attendance, then after a class or two, shoot on down to the boiler room and out the door. Free! I also got friendly with the maintenance man, who drank down there; he taught me how to play poker. So, of course, between this memory of that book and your article I am re-reading it. Thank you.

New Website: Check out my redesigned website, www.RoadNotTaken.com. You’ll notice that you can now gain access to more articles, blogs, and newsletters, so you’ll find “new stuff” on a regular basis. As mentioned last month, this newsletter will now also be found as a blog entry (under the category Purposeful Wanderings). Several back issues are also posted there. I’m creating a video that will be posted on the site as well.

Reaching Your Life’s Greatest Potential: Consistent with this month’s article, you may notice that exploring the edges of your own world – unknowns, fears, hidden assumptions & beliefs – is not something you can do very well alone. Like so many other adventures into the wilderness of our own uncharted territory, it helps to have a guide, one with a map and experience of the landscape, to make your own self-reflection and inquiry more meaningful and productive. After pondering this month’s article, and perhaps seeing my new website, you might consider a coaching program for yourself, an investment in reaching your life’s greatest potential. There’s no cost or obligation to you for an exploratory conversation. Contact me, and begin to shift forever your view of what’s possible.  Perhaps the only block is that it’s one of your “edges.”

Book of the month – The Ringing Cedars Series, by Vladimir Megré. A nine-book series that chronicles the story of Anastasia, a rather unique woman living in the boreal forest (taiga) of Siberia. Through the eyes of a rare visitor (Vladimir), she unveils life’s mysteries and the potential for universal consciousness among all beings. It’s not my “usual” kind of book recommendation, but after reading the first pages of the first book, I’ve been hooked. Wondrous, fanciful, full of contrasts, real and surreal at the same time.

Most days, I walk 3 or 4 miles somewhere in nature. It’s exercise, it’s quiet time, and it reconnects me with the mystery and unity of all life. One of my local favorites here on Cape Cod is the Mashpee National Wildlife Refuge. It’s rather ordinary in some respects, but it’s also part of the original homeland of the earliest Americans here, the Wampanoag. Woodland trails follow a winding stream for a few miles, where I often see osprey, hawks, coyote and deer. 

Today was different. As I rounded a curve in the trail, the common rustle ahead of me revealed a surprise – a rather ample man in a bright orange vest, carrying a shotgun. I’ve never been quite sure what behavior “works” around hunters, but I stopped, said good morning, and noted my surprise that hunting might be allowed. He confirmed that it was, suggesting I see the sign when I returned to my car. In fact, there were many signs, all claiming shared dominion over this territory: National Wildlife Refuge, Division of Fisheries and Wildlife, Department of Conservation and Recreation, and a last indicating a local contact at a nearby national marine research reserve. Notably absent was a sign from the original claimants, the Wampanoag. 

It strikes me that this many government agencies could “cooperate” in the administration of this land. We rarely see that. On closer look however, let’s name the cooperation. We protect the wildlife here (the refuge part), so hunters have a near-guarantee there will be something to shoot. Hmmm. The cooperation is starting to sound like everyday politics, no? Good fortune came around the curve just after encountering the hunter. There, standing still in the trail right in front of me was a beautiful ring-necked pheasant. Needless to say, he flew immediately. But I feel as if I’d saved him, for the moment anyway, because it was I who saw him and not the hunter. After all, I was armed only with appreciative eyes and the GPS in my cell phone (in case I might ever be mistaken for a ring-necked pheasant). 

Dewitt Jones is perhaps my favorite nature photographer. It’s not just because his images are spectacular, which they are. It’s more because he brings to his images a deep insight about life, and about how our ways of seeing impact our experience of life. His words are simple, yet they touch me deeply. Each week he offers a new image, under the heading of Celebrate What’s Right. Check out his blog; you can sign up to receive a new image and thought each week. Of all the regular emails I receive, I look forward to this one the most. http://blog.celebratewhatsright.com

“And is it not a dream which none of you remember having dreamt that builded this city and fashioned all there is in it? Could you but see the tides of that breath you would cease to see all else, and if you could hear the whispering of the dream you would hear no other sound. The veil that clouds your eyes will be lifted by the hands that wove it.”  
- Kahlil Gibran, in The Prophet

If you’ve never read The Prophet, source of this month’s quote, I recommend it highly. It’s a story of Al-Mustafa, the prophet, waiting for the ship that is to return him to his homeland. Touched by 12 years of his presence and saddened by his impending departure, townspeople of Orphalese take one last opportunity to seek his wisdom, asking questions about life and human condition. In 26 essays he offers insight on religion, self-knowledge, freedom, love and many others. The above quote captivates and holds me. My first reading invited a second; I knew its wisdom was worth unraveling. Here’s my take. Perhaps it will shift your perspective on the power of your innate potential.  

And is it not a dream which none of you remember having dreamt that builded this city and fashioned all there is in it? Everything you’ve ever done in life, no matter what or how, you did through the unique, innate creative power that makes you “you.” Every project you complete, every task you undertake, every city you build, you do through the energy of your own divine essence. This is true no matter the circumstances that surround your achievement; often your achievements are all the more meaningful because of those circumstances. But because we’re unconscious of our intention to create, we experience life’s challenges as evidence that we didn’t create; we see our limitations, not our potential. And because we’re unaware of the link between intention and results, it’s as if everything that happened were a dream, a dream we don’t remember dreaming – a dream that, in fact, was no dream at all, but reality.  

Could you but see the tides of that breath you would cease to see all else, and if you could hear the whispering of the dream you would hear no other sound. If you were more aware of your intention, and were more conscious of your thoughts and actions, you’d understand the significance of your life and start listening to your own inner truth instead of the opinions of others. Furthermore, once you realized that this power came wholly from inside you, you’d listen to no other sound but the sound of your own heart, coming to believe powerfully in yourself and your divinity.  

The veil that clouds your eyes will be lifted by the hands that wove it. Through your growing awareness, you realize that the obstacles you experience to the life of your dreams come not from external circumstances and challenges, but from your inability to see yourself and your world clearly. Moreover, the cloud that obscures your perception is only illusion, an artifact of your mind. By making the unconscious conscious, your perception clears, and you come to see and embrace the potential your life is, and the power you have always had to steer its course toward your dreams.  

The belief that we have little influence over the course of our lives is (1) held unconsciously, (2) supported by no evidence, (3) denied by evidence that we ignore, and (4) so firmly rooted that we question neither its existence nor its validity. All the while, we’ve limited the very possibility we complain about not having. The unconscious acceptance of limiting beliefs exerts a powerful force of constraint. As the prophet says, if we could only see our own beliefs with clarity and awareness, we would dismiss them, freeing us immediately to consciously become who we already are.  

Your life represents a vast sea of potential. That potential is unique to you; it’s your divine purpose, your soul, your innate essence. This is yet another reason I so often suggest the regular practice of quiet time – to reflect, to inquire, and to examine the ways of believing, seeing and thinking that define your life. In making these things conscious, perhaps for the first time, you open yourself to the “you” who’s always been inside, waiting for you to notice, waiting for you to honor. 

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature] 

This past weekend, I had the privilege of leading a workshop program at the annual conference of the New England Environmental Education Alliance (www.neeea.org). The conference was held at a Nature’s Classroom center in the rolling hills of central Massachusetts. NEEEA is a great organization, its members dedicated to the education of our young people in thinking environmentally, living sustainably, and embracing our unity with the natural world. Perhaps their biggest challenge is to integrate this work into the mainstream thought process. Given the state of the mainstream thought process, this is no easy task. Living fully as part of a single global ecosystem flies in the face of our society’s linear, fragmented, UN-integrated and reductionist approach to life and education. 

My intention in the workshop was to afford participants a time to purposefully stop and reflect, to consider how the models they teach others might be openings to redefining the framework of their own lives. They’re a perfect audience for me, because so much of my work draws on how nature shows us a pathway to fulfilling our own lives and dreams. Woven into the group discussion, I spoke to what nature has taught me about living more authentically and meaningfully, and offered the following as a possible “map” to the territory of our lives. As is true in the wilderness, a map of the landscape is an indispensable aid to “staying found.” Nature teaches us … 

• to create with intention.  Listen for the voice … and honor that deep personal truth to which you are continually drawn. Is your life is an expression of what matters most to you, your deepest creative essence?
• to live with awareness.  Possibility shows up in “the space between,” in emptiness. Opportunity depends on constant change. What is your relationship to silence? to change? to uncertainty?
• to act with courage.  Outcomes are rarely knowable ahead of time. Can you trust the power of your own truth to define your path in life? How do faith and trust light your way?
• to relate with reverence, to yourself and to others.  We’re all connected as one. How you think, speak and act profoundly affects your life, and others. Do you live with deep gratitude for all you’re given?  

How might you choose to live “in nature’s image?” How has your own experience taught to live more authentically? Where and how have you honored (or perhaps denied) the lessons that have been placed in your life path?  

Openings to New Possibility  

My Blog: As noted last month, I’m beginning the process of folding all my writing into my blog, so you’ll have one source for anything I write about. It’s a longer process than I thought. You’ll find this newsletter in the blog, too, under the category of “Purposeful Wanderings.” I’ll still send the pdf file by email, and still post it on my website, as I’ve always done. But you can now bookmark or subscribe to my blog, visit as often as you may like, and see other writings as well. 

What Dream Do You Dream?: Consistent with this month’s article, ask yourself what dream you dream … about your life and the potential you want to see expressed. We often fall short of our dreams for 2 reasons: (1) we don’t dare dream them, believing they’d be impossible, and (2) we don’t know how to manifest them. If either or both are true for you, you might consider a coaching program. The answers you seek are inside you and I will help you find them. Contact me for a conversation that can change your life. 

Public Presentation: My public workshop last month in Franklin, MA, “The Illusion of Time,” was provocative, filled with possibility, and entertaining. Feedback has been great. If you would like a program for your group (or a group of your own assembling), let me know; I’ll create one to meet your needs and interests.  

Book of the month – The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. See article and quote. Deep insight and wisdom.  

“To be human is to become visible while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others.” 
—- David Whyte 

Life seems to conspire to demand more and more of us – things to do, people to see, tasks at work, cell phones, TV, Facebook, the news, things to buy, etc. Worse, we’re expected to be like everyone else and keep up with life’s harried pace while we do it all. When (if) we ask ourselves why we continue to run this rat race, we often conclude that we have no choice, that we’d lose out on life if we didn’t, that money buys happiness so we have to work harder, that achieving means everything, that we have to keep up with the competition, etc. To me, these are “easy answers;” they live on the surface and do no more than justify what we’re already doing, despite lack of evidence of their validity.

As always, I invite a deeper look. You might by start looking one level below any of the common answers noted. Can I actually name what I’d lose out on if I failed to comply? Do I have evidence for this loss? Will the path I’m on today really take me where I say I want to go? Do I have evidence this is so? Where do I want to go, anyway? If money did buy happiness, and if I did have enough to buy the happiness I want, what would I do the day after that? What if other people’s opinions and demands were just that – theirs, not mine? If I won the rat race, who would I be – chief rat? These questions invite more thought. Their answers probably carry far more meaning for you than the “because I have to” answers above. The interesting thing about these questions, however, is that just by asking them you become open to the next deeper level, which includes questions such as these, each of which asks for some significant pondering:

• Whose life am I living today?
• What would it mean if I chose to live my own life instead?
• What would “my own life” even look like? And what do I see as stopping me from living my dream?

The world of your potential is a world of energy, where who you are creates reality, not your “score” in the external world. It’s the “you” you’ve lost in the unconscious, yet futile, attempt to go along with the crowd. Being your own person can feel uncertain, so if the perceived safety of the crowd appears more comfortable, that’s a choice, too.

Unlike the things in the material world, “you” are energy, and energy is invisible. We’ve come to rely so heavily on what’s visible that we’ve lost sight of the fact that the source of everything in the material world is the invisible energy that creates it. Because we believe there’s no time to stop and look at the deeper questions, we’re left with the struggle to win the race. You’ve already won. No one can be a better you than you. Find your unique source of energy and allow it to guide your way. Life gets easy, because that fuel is already inside you. The invisible is what’s unique in each of us. Because unique is just what the material world doesn’t want us to be, you won’t get any help from there. Once you know your own authentic story, its energy can guide you for a lifetime; you no longer need to get energy from someone else’s story. In addition, because the energy is all yours, it will support you in times of life’s inevitable challenges and uncertainties, and at times when others inevitably fail you. No other energy source can do that. The external world will always be a powerful deterrent to your claiming your uniqueness. Only you can decide if you want to break from the herd and ask the deeper questions. And all I can do is invite you to do it. OK, I challenge you.

Exercise: Rediscover your source: Visit a place in nature you find peaceful and beautiful. Choose a comfortable place to sit for a couple of hours, and simply experience it. Bring yourself to a complete stop for this time. It may take you a while to slow down, to get past any discomfort with the silence, and to allow your mind to empty. As you calm yourself, begin to notice the natural rhythm and pace of life all around you. Just notice. Now, consciously choose to bring the pace and rhythm of your thoughts and presence into alignment with nature’s pace and rhythm. In effect, you are merging with the energy of your source. Experience the feeling; no need to know, try, do, or control. Just experience. Lastly, take 20 minutes or so and write what you learned about yourself in doing this exercise. If you want to reclaim the energy that powers your authentic life story, do this exercise every week.

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature] 

This past week, as I sat by a river here on Cape Cod, doing the exercise I suggest above, I imagined myself being the water in the river. It’s a familiar theme for me, so you may find similarities with other writings. Nature is like that. So am I. The level of the water had risen since yesterday, a consequence of heavy rainfall in the days before. I noticed the last fleeting drops from the storm dripping off the trees and falling into the water. The river graciously accepted the contribution. In much the same way, it graciously accepted having no contribution for the preceding month, for we’d had no rain at all. So I found myself pondering the relationship between the water and the river’s banks, and what I might learn. Which was the river? Both. What part did each play? In a way, both seemed to take a rather passive role, but I realized how I defined passive differed from our everyday usage. Neither the water nor the riverbanks were trying or struggling to do anything. Both were just being their respective stories. Water wants to find the least-energy path to the sea, where it rejoins the “collective consciousness” of all the earth’s water. The banks want only to accept the flow. And as I’ve written more than once, a striking realization is that rivers hold water without holding onto water. How might my life flow more smoothly, still supporting all I am, yet without effort or struggle? There was no thought of knowing more, trying harder or controlling. The answer was as clear as the sky above. Be the river. Allow my innate energy to flow into and through life, and, like the river, be everything while competing with nothing. It was the beginning of [another] good day. 

Oh yes, if the river were ever ‘done,’ it wouldn’t be a river. What’s up with that? Perhaps a lesson about achieving.

Openings to New Possibility 

My Blog: I’m beginning the process of folding all my writing into my blog, so you’ll have one source for anything I write about. Starting now, I’m adding the newsletter into the blog, too, under the category of “Purposeful Wanderings.” I’ll still send the pdf file by email, and still post it on my website, as I’ve always done. But you can now bookmark or subscribe to my blog, and visit as often as you may like.  

Public Presentation: I’m leading a workshop at the annual conference of the New England Environmental Education Alliance (NEEEA). The conference is October 21-23 at the Prindle Pond Conference Center in Charlton, MA. My program is Saturday morning, October 22, from 9:00 – 10:30 and is entitled “A River Runs Through It – What Nature Teaches Us About Life.” It’s not too late to sign up for the conference. www.neeea.org 

Public Presentation: I’m leading a workshop entitled “The Illusion of Time,” on Sunday, October 16, from 3:00 – 5:00 p.m. at Franklin (MA) Yoga & Wellness Center. Its focus:  making fundamental changes in how you relate to time so you come to view time as a resource, not a threat. Registration requested. www.franklinyoga.com 

Book of the month – Every now and then, I suggest that the best book you can enjoy during the month is the one you write yourself. This month’s article, exercise, and nature story lend themselves well to exploring on your own, so why not write in some depth about all you experience and learn, starting with a blank journal. As much as [I hope] you get from reading my words & ideas each month, the only thing that changes your life is your own felt experience of those ideas. Words alone change nothing. So if you want a truly high-impact way to create a transformative shift in your life or work, you might just consider writing about it. As you write “your story,” you learn about yourself more deeply, from both the content of the story and the way you “spin” it. Your spin comes from your uniqueness; by making that uniqueness conscious, you open yourself to reclaiming the real you. Get unlost, get unplugged from the herd, and step into the freedom and potential of your own authentic truth. You don’t need to create a best seller. You need to sell only one copy – to yourself.  

“A problem is solved not by confronting it directly,
but by going to a level where no problem exists.”     
– Deepak Chopra, and perhaps originally from the Bhagavad Gita

In a conversation over coffee recently, I listened as a woman said to me, “You know, Mary is such a close friend. We get along so well. We’ve just agreed not to talk about religion, politics, parenting, or men.” My reply, “Isn’t that interesting,” probably failed to hide my reaction to the paradox this brought up. In contemplating the conversation later on, however, I realized her comment was a common symptom of many of our conversations, along with many of our relationships, and many of our “societal structures” (workplaces, communities, families, etc.), and that perhaps it might be a good topic for exploration. So why do we avoid so many topics, and why avoid some topics in one situation yet not in others? Further, why do we see it as acceptable to subscribe to avoidance while still claiming closeness?

As a general rule, if there are any general rules, avoidance is a sign of fear. What might we fear? Much, or most, of what we’ve learned has come from what others told us to believe and think, and at least in our impressionable years, we bought all this as “truth,” rarely questioning its validity. Most of us live as if who we are today is the sum total of all these lessons. But because we “became” who we are more through blind acceptance than our critical thinking, we really don’t know what we “know,” yet believe we do. Not surprisingly, the “truths” we easily adopted from others’ stories include just the topics we now avoid – religion, politics, parenting, sex, finances, relationships, etc.  Curious.

The issue, then, is not so much that we’re afraid of the topics, but that we’re afraid of our own truth about the topics, and cover up our uncertainty (a kind of fear) with avoidance. If we really did know our own truth, we’d not be afraid of the conversation. But because we’ve never stopped to ask simple (but big) questions, we’ve become paralyzed. Big questions are intriguing; they open us to greater and greater truths, which create greater and greater possibility in our lives. How do you know what you know? By what internal process did you come to know it? What alternatives to this truth might you have considered along the way? If you don’t know your own truth, is it because you tried to find it and came up empty, or is it because you refused to look?  I, for one, want to understand these things. It’s how I learn. And it’s why, in these writings, I invite deeper and deeper inquiry into your own ways of believing, seeing and thinking. If you’ve done the practices I suggest monthly, you’ve experienced the power they hold. If you haven’t, then this idea, too, may appear as nonsense. Note: I am in no way suggesting what you should think, only that you do … think.

Critical thinking seems to be a lost art in our world today. That’s a sad, and scary, thing. We’ve become easy prey for those who want to manipulate us. And there are lots of them. When we don’t think for ourselves, we tend to believe, buy, go along and comply more than when we do think for ourselves. Blind acceptance of this sort comes from choosing not to think. Yet because we’re not aware, we don’t even know it’s happening. A few things on my list of dangers here:  (1) industry lobbies – capitalism was intended to serve the common good, not control it; (2) political campaigns – democracy asks neither divisiveness nor compliance; (3) church doctrine – religions were intended as communities of faith to explore together that which couldn’t be “known,” not to control behavior out of fear of that same unknown; (4) media – news was intended to keep us informed, not to selectively and irresponsibly sensationalize human events.

Exercise: Know your truth: The antidote to fear is truth, not avoidance or intransigence of belief. You can discover your truth by reflecting on your thinking, perhaps using the questions in paragraph three as a guide. What do you believe and think? How did you come to believe and think it? It doesn’t matter what you discover, only that you do. It’s a great way to exchange your long-held yet little-understood position in the matter (of religion, politics, etc.) with the possibility the matter holds in your own life. Positions come from fear; possibilities come from truth and faith. Both are choices. The safety and certainty you seek don’t exist in the external world, but in the personal experience, and a subsequent belief in, your own inner truth. And that is all the certainty you ever need in life. What’s your truth?

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature] 

I received an email this week entitled, “Two moons this month.” Now, as a lover of our world, physical and natural, I’m of course intrigued by the claim. In the attached slide show, the writer says that Mars would come closer to earth this month than it has in hundreds of years, making it appear much brighter and closer than normal. I love long-term rhythms in nature. So far, so good. But two moons, I’m thinking. How might this be? Then I found my “answer.” It came in a side-by-side comparison photo of the moon and Mars, with the all-too-common “fine print” that no more than hinted that the image of Mars was from a 75x telescope magnification. Side-by-side, however, they did appear the same size. Now I’m not sure how you would see it, but if shown side-by-side with a small child or animal, a butterfly magnified 75 times would appear to be capable of eating said child or animal. But it doesn’t mean that it’s so. 

By accepting so much yet questioning so little, we’ve not only lost a huge piece of ourselves, but become easy prey, not for giant butterflies, but for those who know we’re not awake. It’s a good thing neither Mars nor the moon is susceptible to such tactics. It’s time to reclaim what is rightfully your own – your mind. As always, one of the best ways to renew and refresh is to “hang out” in nature, doing nothing, yet noticing everything. Nature’s message is simple: life’s purpose is to create life, and to be creative in how it does so. Nothing to hide; no pretense; no judgment. Perhaps this is why we seek, and find, peace and freedom in nature. Nature accepts herself, and trusts her ways of knowing. Perhaps one of the reasons we’re such easy prey is that we feel so overloaded we can’t/won’t take the time to get out of our everyday worlds for long enough to experience the potential waiting for us. It’s so close, yet so far. Why?

“Pops by the Sea.” For 20+ years now, the Boston Pops Orchestra has been coming to Cape Cod each August for an outdoor concert. It’s a pleasure listening to their music, even better having it outdoors. And with only a 12 mile drive and $15 tickets, a great deal. The village green in Hyannis offers probably an acre of lovely grass, criss-crossed with brick walkways, and dotted by 100+ year old sycamores and beeches, creating a rather pleasant place to sit and enjoy, even in “downtown” Hyannis. I arrived early, as the lawn usually fills well before concert time. Afternoon entertainment fills the gaps. I sat in my camp chair and enjoyed the scene, the music, a sense of community, and the time outdoors. The Pops put on a good show, as I have come to expect and appreciate.

“Deluge by the Sea.” Advertised as a “rain or shine” event, and despite some morning showers, no one could have expected that to arrive early for an outdoor concert would result in sitting for three hours in an unrelenting, wind-driven, torrential rain. Although the fleece and Gore-tex would have kept me dry until next Thursday, it only “works” where it covers, which for me was from the waist up. Mired in a pool of water in my camp chair and now surrounded by what appears to be Lake Hyannis, I find myself nearly alone, as other potential concert-goers show up, then give up, time after time leaving me a “clear view” … of the rain. By the time the concert was to start, I’d wrung out my towel over a dozen times, cleaning up by seeing thru the slit I’d created between rain hat and jacket zipper.

Both stories are 100% true. Both describe the same event .. yesterday’s concert. Had this been you, which story would you choose to tell? In listening to others through the course of the afternoon, I saw clearly how two (perhaps many more) versions of the same story might be told. I also saw clearly how which version “wins” is a personal choice. I had a great day. Others, I suspect, saw it in a different way. Yet it was the same day and the same event. Which one would you choose? For any of your day’s little events, which story do you tell?  How does the “story you tell” serve to create the experience you have and the person you become?

By the way, I conducted a little experiment while I was there. I was sitting under a huge beech tree (which, by the way, conferred no appreciable advantage against the rain), and beside me was a paved walkway which was flooded, with water spreading well into the grass on both sides. The results of my experiment show that a vast majority of people believe if they walk gingerly thru ankle-deep water that they will somehow be less wet than if they walk normally. Curious. The Pops didn’t provide all the entertainment.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up someplace else.”      – Yogi Berra 

If you listen carefully to others (or to yourself, for that matter), you may hear all manner of stories about why life doesn’t work or why things don’t go as desired. Not enough time, too many things to do, others not doing their part, worry about what others think, not enough money, no choice in the matter, etc. We’re very good at telling stories, largely because we come from a long line of storytellers. Story has been the carrier of human culture for as long as there has been human culture, predating written language by thousands of years. In the ancient past, however, story opened people to possibility, to the mystery of life, to the deep connection we all share with each other and with nature. Today’s story, however, has become a third-class replacement. More often than not, today’s stories limit the very possibility we long for, whether at home, at work, in our relationships, or in dreaming our life dreams.

In previous issues, I suggested the importance of finding your personal story, the deepest essence that makes you the unique person you are. This month, I want to view all these stories through the lens of energy. If there’s anything with limited supply in our lives, it’s energy. Although we’re quick to blame time, you have the same 168 hours each week as did all of life’s masters – Gandhi, Mozart, Mother Teresa, etc., so something other than time must make the difference. Because we’re so busy telling our ‘life doesn’t work’ stories, and more often than not, blaming time in the process, we rarely consider energy as a factor. Here’s an analogy to depict this idea. Envision your energy as water in a bucket. As you do things during the day, you use energy, so the water level drops. Eating replenishes energy, but at the end of the day, you’re tired; the bucket is empty. Sleeping replenishes energy, too, so by morning, you’re ready to start a new day with a full bucket. (OK, some days, you feel as if you start half empty.)

Here’s where your power comes in. The great masters were great because they (1) knew what mattered, their intention (May newsletter) and (2) through awareness, chose exactly how to use energy to get there (this month). They ‘poured’ energy just where they wanted it to go; none wasted. Without intention and awareness, however, energy goes to all the stuff that doesn’t matter, leaving little to pour onto what does. It’s as if your bucket were full of holes, with your daily supply of energy leaking out onto a bunch of distractions instead of being available for what mattered. The antidote: First, know what you want to have happen each day. Second, get to know where your energy is going, both desired (intention) and not desired (leaks). Third, using these ways of knowing, you can then make new choices.

Exercise #1: Know what matters: For the “big picture” of your entire life, see May’s newsletter and exercises. For life’s “smaller pictures” (each day, a project, a relationship, a job, a vacation, even a conversation), start by envisioning what you want that picture to look like. Especially for important things, it’s often helpful to write down how you’d like to see it go. As a minimum, start each day by naming what you want this day to be like. Do the same for projects, meetings, your relationships, etc. At first, you’ll find that the result may not match your vision. That’s not failure; it’s part of building momentum. Soon, results begin to match rather closely. You don’t force yourself to change; change happens naturally and effortlessly as a result of practice. Practice creates new habits; be patient.

Exercise #2: Know your energy drains: Stop what you’re doing several times a day. During these moments of quiet reflection, replay in your mind what’s happened since the last time you stopped, as if a movie with you as audience. Listen to what this tells you. Don’t try to change anything. Just notice. Then, for each thing you notice, ask yourself how your energy was used. Where and how did your energy go to what you wanted to have happen (what you’d envisioned in exercise #1)? Where and how did your energy leak out into distractions, the not-so-important, the counterproductive? Make two lists; label one intention and the other leaks. Keep the lists going daily for the month. Stop every several days and review the emerging lists. See what you’re learning about yourself. The more aware you are of where your energy is expended, the more your energy will go toward what matters, naturally, without “effort.”

A River Runs Through It  [Life lessons offered by nature]

Over the 20 years or so that I’ve led nature tours, I’ve been fascinated by nature’s energy equation. I’d long known that nothing is wasted in nature, so I’ve become accustomed to noticing (often this means figuring out) how and why things make sense in nature, especially from an energy point of view. Some things appear to be wasteful, but on closer inspection, are not. A river’s meandering is a lower energy path to the sea than a straight line. (We’ll skip the physics of why this is so.) Polar bears play and spar during times of scarce food supply, yet the energy expended is paid back in the form of strength and agility required for catching seals from under the sea ice. Creosote bushes often show up in a near-perfect matrix, almost as if planted. Although a bit tougher to figure out, this, too, shows no energy is wasted. That layout provides maximum accessibility to the desert’s scarce underground moisture supply; another plant in between would starve. 

We’re all familiar with the “tree line,” the not-so-straight line that runs across North America, Europe and Asia marking the most northerly extent of trees. Above the tree line lies Arctic tundra. Tundra supports a wide variety of plant life, but none with woody stems or trunks. Why? The standard answer, even in some “science” articles, is that it’s too cold for trees to grow any farther north. Not so. Trees could grow on the North Pole if there were land there to support them. Even more interesting, it’s actually colder in the boreal forest to the south than it is in much of the tundra. The true limiting factor shows up as an energy equation. Trees put energy first into growing and sustaining roots, next into leaves or needles, and last into flowers and seeds. Above the tree line, the growing season is simply too short for trees to produce seeds. 

Curious, nature doesn’t give up, however, even with summers too short for reproduction by seeds. The hardiest of northern trees is a species of spruce, so its range often delineates the tree line. Spruce have developed the capability to reproduce vegetatively; branches reach back to the ground and root themselves, from which another tree grows. When you see a stand-alone clump of spruce trees near (or sometimes above) the tree line, it’s often a lone straggler from centuries past, with its “offspring” genetically identical; it’s all one tree. Nature is always creating. And it’s all about energy.